(530): i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something

(760): It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.

(954): Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.

(805): I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.

(205):i was so high last night that i actually googled “how to get un high”

(1-205):if you ask that question again our friendship is over

(409): First day at work… I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.

(847): I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.

(717): One date. That’s all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.